Like every parent, my wife and I had to deal with our fair share of temper tantrums and other behaviours that elevated our stress levels.  With time we realized that the parenting techniques we were using weren’t quite doing the job.  It reached a point of responding to frustrated temperamental kids with our own frustration.  A perfect tempest indeed.

At the time I was creating a conflict resolution tool that could be played as a game between kids.  The core of the game taught the children how to converse and express their feelings to each other.  While gathering supporting research, I came across the studies conducted by Dr. John Gottman which evidenced the power of parental empathy in fostering emotional resilience in children.

My Chassidic background is steeped in the notion that life is about cognitive and emotional awareness in order to refine the minutest character traits.  I realized that I need to be more in tune with my kids’ emotions so I can help them process their feelings into healthier behaviours.  The only way to really deal with the temper tantrums was to get to the root of the emotional triggers.

A whole new conversation began to take shape with our children.  Instead of trying to solve their problems with our own ideas; instead of curbing their behaviours with punishment and control; we became more aware of their emotions.  Our conversations center on ‘How does that make you feel?’ as a springboard for self-awareness.

Once they felt validated and heard, our children started learning how to handle their emotions.  They are now better able to channel their feelings into productive conversation.  Anger at a sibling doesn’t lead to blows.  We’ve learned how to temper the tantrums. 

We’ve become temper tamers!

So can you.